The Profit Prophet

Yes, gentlemen...women have a language all of their own! Call it femanonics or estrogish or whatever (see) below, but just like the military, gangs, rap, and nerds, there are code words that are unique to woman, and you would be well served to learn what they mean now. (1) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they think they are right and you need to shut up.  This is the MOST frequent code word used, since you will always be wrong. (2) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. (3) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm, or the deep breathe before the plunge. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in ' fine ' (see #1). (4) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It! (5) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a n...

For all of you who love wordplay (which includes me), I think you will enjoy this lovely list of, um words! Enjoy, smile, and love heartily for life is too short to be little. Love, Jeffrey FOR ALL YOU LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS) 1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired. 2. A will is a dead giveaway. 3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. 4. A backward poet writes inverse. 5. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion. 6. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. 7. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered. 8. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. 9. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key. 10. A calendar's days are numbered. 11. A boiled egg is hard to beat. 12. He had a photographic memory which was never developed. 13. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large. (this is my favorite) 14. Those who get too big ...

Every year, the Washington Post puts out a request for its readers to submit alternative meanings to common words. They call it the neologism contest and below is the 2009 winners as judged by the editors of the paper. I really like how some of these “new” meanings actually make more sense than the old ones. The second list involves taking any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supplying a new definition. ____________________________________________________ Alternative Definitions: 1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs. 2. Flabbergasted (adj.), the state of being appalled over how much weight you have gained. 3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. 5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent, flaccid. 6. Negligent (adj.), a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown. 7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp. 8...