The Profit Prophet

I am a big believer in humor and love intelligent word play.  Over the course if my, many, many years, I have run across quite a few truisms and now have listed them here for you to enjoy.  It is not all inclusive, but they are funny, and right now, we all can use a bit of humor.  Enjoy, and I hope you get a chuckle out of them. 1.     If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd eventually find me attractive. 2.     I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you. 3.     Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water. 4.      I changed my password to "incorrect" so whenever I forget it the computer will say, "Your password is incorrect." 5.     Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. 6.  ...

Here is a list 20 things that on the surface have quite a bit of wisdom, but are just plain funny as well. Some are priceless, and all are pretty humorous. As we all need a little humor every day, I hope these quips turn up the corners of your mouth. All the best and Excelsior everyone! 1. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.  2. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.   3. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.   4. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.   5. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.   6. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.   7. Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.   8. Light travels faster t...

This post is taken from a page of Steven Wright. He is the famous, erudite scientist who once quipped,: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates." His mind sees things differently than most of us do and here is a list of some of his funniest ones. They made me stop, think, and laugh. ________________________________________ 1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. 2 - Borrow money from pessimists, they don't expect it back. 3 - Half the people you know are below average. 4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. 6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. 7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain. 9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.. 10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 11 - ...

In all our lives, we go through periods where a little advice might have come in really handy.  Sort of like a "cliff-notes" for getting by or little phrases that help us look at our situation differently.  Hopefully, these 41 quips help you in some way? 1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good 2. When in doubt, just take the next small step. 3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. 4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does. 5. Pay off your credit cards every month. 6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree. 7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone. 8. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck. 9. Love your parents because they will be gone before you know it. 10. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present. 11. It's OK to let your children see you cry 12. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their ...