The Profit Prophet

This post is taken from a page of Steven Wright. He is the famous, erudite scientist who once quipped,: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates." His mind sees things differently than most of us do and here is a list of some of his funniest ones. They made me stop, think, and laugh. ________________________________________ 1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. 2 - Borrow money from pessimists, they don't expect it back. 3 - Half the people you know are below average. 4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. 6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. 7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain. 9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.. 10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 11 - ...

My Fryday humor post involves lawyers and some of the dialogue they have in court. These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place...Enjoy, and happy Fryday! ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. ___________________________...