The Profit Prophet

Ladies, every wonder why guys are so difficult? It is because of our Hardware, Firmware, and Software installation of Husband1.0. I hope you know understand why it is so difficult to do! Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0 . In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 , and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0 , MONEY 3.0 and SPORTS 4.1 . Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? Signed, Jane Frustrated Luddite _______________________________ Reply Dear Madam, First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Ent

Incl uded is a short (3 min) film narrated by Alan Watts title d "What if Mon ey Were N o Object."   It talks about how to live a l ife worth living. As the Dali Lama says.. “Man sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future, that he does not enjoy the present moment. As a result, he does not live in the present or the future, he lives as if he is never going to die, and then he dies having never truly lived.”

This Post has to do with actual responses to this year’s GED exams taken by 16 year -o lds across the country. Only the best where listed here, but is so sad to think that in a few years these kids will be able to vote. Wow. Enjoy, and be very, very afraid … Q. Name the four seasons? A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinega r (mustard must be when the leaves turn yellow?) Q . Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink? A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists Q. How is dew formed? A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire Q. What causes the tides in the oceans? A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.   (wow, covered all the bases with this one) Q. What guarantees may a mortga

I hope all finds you well during this holiday season and for Christmas. If you believe or not what happened all those years ago, the season is about hope, joy, good will and for a better world. These are now universal thoughts, that were birthed in a little town of Bethlehem. In that vein, and since everyday is Fryday, I would like to share another story of hope..about how Rudolph the Red-nosed reindeer came to pass. We all have a little misery come into our lives now and the, it is what we do with it that counts. Enjoy, and Merry Christmas..   A man named Bob May, depressed and brokenhearted, stared out his drafty apartment window into the chilling December night. His 4-year-old daughter Barbara sat on his lap quietly sobbing. Bob's wife, Evelyn, was dying of cancer. Little Barbara couldn't understand why her mommy could never come home. Barbara looked up into her dad's eyes and asked, "Why isn't Mommy just like everybody else's Mommy?" Bob's j

“When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.” ~David Bissonete  “After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together..” ~Sacha Guitry  “By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.” ~Socrates  “The great question which I have not been able to answer is,‘What does a woman want?’” ~Dumas “I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.” ~James Holt McGavra    “There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.” ~Sam Kinison    “I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.” ~Sigmund Freud    “Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, so

This post goes to the heart of who I am… I went to school at a young age in what used to be the farmlands of Smokey Mountain Piedmont in Virginia about an hour’s drive west from D.C.. When out in the sticks, everything seems different…even our common language has totally different meanings…so when you speak, careful to know "where" you are...   A Missouri farmer in his pickup, drove to a neighbor's, and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door. "Is your Dad home?" "No sir, he isn't; he went to town." "Well, is your Mother here?" "No sir, she went to town with Dad." "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?" "No sir, He went with Mom and Dad." The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself. "Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message." "We

Marcus Tullius Cicero was a Roman philosopher, statesman, lawyer, orator, political theorist, consul and constitutionalist. He was definitely right about Rome, and every empire since...

OK, yes Thanksgiving is coming soon, and of course we start thinking of all those things we are thanking for. For me, thanksgiving is an everyday thing for me and your friendship. In great and small ways, I am grateful and humbled by the vast and varied number of friends in my life. The tapestry you have woven in my life is so diverse and beautiful as to be breathtaking…and I cannot believe how lucking I am. As a little bonus, I thought you would appreciate the story below, about how divine each of you are… A little boy wanted to meet God. He knew it was a long trip to where God lived, so he packed his suitcase with a bag of potato chips and a six-pack of root beer and started his journey. When he had gone about three blocks, he met an old man. He was sitting in the park, just staring at some pigeons. The boy sat down next to him and opened his suitcase. He was about to take a drink from his root beer when he noticed that the old man looked hungry, so he offered him some chips.

“A democracy cannot exist as a permanent form of government. It can only exist until the voters discover that they can vote themselves largesse from the public treasury. From that moment on, the majority always votes for the candidates promising the most benefits from the public treasury with the result that a democracy always collapses over loose fiscal policy, always followed by a dictatorship. The average age of the world's greatest civilizations has been 200 years.” - Alex De Tocqueville

A wise philosopher was once asked, "What is it like to thirst?" by a man in his village... He looked at the man, grinned... Then grabbed him swiftly by the back of his coat, and drug him over violently to a nearby fountain... the man fought, but it was to no avail...he was the thrust, headfirst into the fountain... The philosopher forced the man's head down without any signs of mercy... The man fought with all of his life, but he was growing weaker by the moment, as the air was being used up in his lungs. He started to go limp...and at that very moment, the philosopher pulled him out of the water... The man gasped for air, grateful to be alive...exhausted...he laid on the ground... The philosopher said to him, "That's what it's like to thirst." So...what makes you passionate in life...what would you die for, what takes your breathe away? Unless you know what that is, and pursue that knowledge you are just wandering. Without this drive, th

Sometimes, you think something may seem one way, when in effect, the perfectly logical explanation is staring you straight in the face.  Here is an example..   If a woman sleeps with 3 men, everyone calls her a slut. But when a man sleeps with 10 girls, everyone calls him a real man. How come? It is very simple Confucius say..."When one lock can be opened by 3 different keys, it's a bad lock. But when on key can open 10 different locks, we call it a master key!" 

This post is near and dear to my heart…puns! Below are some situations that we are really familiar with, but whose outcomes may make your grown! Please, please, please realize this is NOT for the faint of heart, but should bring you a chuckle no matter what day it is or where you are. ________________________________________ King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates , the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it." "But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!" Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are." A mechanic once owned a dog named Mace. Mace had a bad habit of eating all the grass in the mechanic's lawn,

Sometimes we have to thank old people and the wisdom they possess. Some of this wisdom comes from the “old country,” but is still is priceless. You may want to think about this type of wisdom when running your own business as well. ________________________________________ The Jewish Elbow A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell." "Grandma, that sounds easy, but, why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?......... "What . . . .. .. You coming empty handed?" Wise Italian Grandfather Why Italian Fathers and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family. An o

Here is a little tale of how two opposing political opinions see each other's side as it sometimes happens in families. Although this a huge simplification it is funny…to a point, and thought with the political fight going on…an appropriate one? OK, I know the emails I am going to get..and that is OK... ________________________________________ A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and among other liberal ideals, was very much in favor of higher taxes to support more government programs, in other words "redistribution of wealth." She was deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling she openly expressed. Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his. One day she was challe

As you know, I do a lot of work with start ups, and giving people advice on marketing, sales, and business in general, but have always had a difficult time coming up with a good lesson plan until now.  Today’s post hopes to change that in a humorous way. I call it the: 5 MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE   Lesson 1:   A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.   Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.   After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.   The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?""It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.