The Profit Prophet

Here is a list 20 things that on the surface have quite a bit of wisdom, but are just plain funny as well. Some are priceless, and all are pretty humorous. As we all need a little humor every day, I hope these quips turn up the corners of your mouth. All the best and Excelsior everyone! 1. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.  2. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.   3. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.   4. Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.   5. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.   6. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.   7. Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.   8. Light travels faster t...

These very expressive insults are from an era, before the English language boiled down to four-letter and crude words. The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress." "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."  - Winston Churchill "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."  - Clarence Darrow "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."  - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway). "Thank you for sending me a copy of your ...