The Profit Prophet

My dear friends…tomorrow the world celebrates in its many ways the birth of a baby that would make humanity whole again and absolve us of our sins. Many, many, many people have argued over, fought and died in defense of and belief in this be they right or wrong, but one thing they all agreed on was his message of love for humanity. So, in the spirit of love I attach this Fryday humor post. Essentially, the question “What does love mean?” was posed to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds. It is said that we are all born poets, as our mother’s hearts beat in iambic pentameter, but that the pressures and stress of life slowly chokes that ability from us. I wonder if it is true about love too? Do we all naturally know how to love instinctively, but slowly move away from that understanding? Hum, I think there is even a saying about this, “Let the children come to me, and do not keep them away, for of such is the kingdom of heaven.” Anyway, It seems these young ones explain and demonstrate this compl

LinkedIn just published a list this week of the top 10 most overused descriptions their subscribers use about themselves. The list was aggregated from more than 85 million user profiles. While many of these may sound like great things to have on your resume, because EVERYBODY is saying the same thing, you actually become LESS distinctive and more run-of-the-mill. In order to be noticed, you need to be set apart from the Moldy-Middle. So, instead of using "generic" descriptors, use specific accomplishments. Example: Results Oriented: State, made over $50 million in sales / $10 million in profits for XYZ Corp in 10 months!!! Now that is results oriented. As another caution, no one really cares much what you did for someone else, what they want to know is what you will do for THEM, so state it. "I can increase profits where ever I go..." Get the drift? Now, do NOT lie, but just tell it like it is... Oh, as a word of caution, if you are looking for a job, stet ent

We all are going to face our mortality, but sometimes having a good perspective helps. Hope you enjoy this Fryday Humor post? ______________________________________________ The couple were 85 years old and had been married for 60 years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies. Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade. One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven. They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.' The ol

Paraprosdokian: Figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently used in a humorous situation. A paraprosdokian (from Greek "παρα-", meaning "beyond" and "προσδοκία", meaning "expectation"). Some of these I am sure you have seen elsewhere, but all are very funny, especially now all in one place. At a minimum, hope this brings a smile to your face.. ________________________________________ I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list. Light travels faster than so

A friend of mine was forwarded the follow "eulogy" concerning a colleague and friend who wrote about the colleague's recently deceased, developmentally-disabled sister-in-law. Her colleague (Gail) comes from a high-achieving family (she's a Ph.D. and MBA) that values intellect and education. When Gail told my friend about her sister-in-law's passing and about her sister-in-law, my friend asked her to send her this letter. I was fortunate to have it sent to me. I found it well worth reading as it shows how wisdom does NOT always come with intelligence and sometimes the graces of life are bestowed to the humblest of individuals..to Anne Ruth! Thoughts about Anne Ruth Gail Golden We have come together today to mourn our loss of Anne Ruth Golden, and to remember and celebrate her life. Our task is a complicated one, because Anne was an unusual person. The Goldens are a family of extraordinary intellectual and professional achievement. We are lawyers, docto

RECENTLY a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes and cost as you ascended. The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some husbands.... First floor: The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went. Second floor: The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?" Third floor: This sign read, "These men hav

Yes, today is a day we set aside why we are thankful, and for that, I am glad…but much like Scrooge was transformed to live Christmas in his heart every day, I am thankful always. I will not go into why or how. I am glad that at least one day is set aside for others to acknowledge their gratitude, but thought I would pen why I give thanks everyday I am thankful for nature, for it gives me beauty in unexpected ways and places I am thankful for my enemies, for they keep me strong and honest I am thankful for my faith, for it gives me light when I walk in the valley of darkness I am thankful for music, for it stirs the soul and awakens the spirit I am thankful for those who create, for they awaken a universe of possibilities and mimic the Creator I am thankful for the kindness of strangers, for they remind me of our divinity within I am thankful for great writers, for they share their wisdom throughout the ages I am thankful for sorrow and pain, for it makes me appreciate

A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with a see-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that! The teenager tells her "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rose buds show!" and out she goes. The next day the teenager comes down stairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die. She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate... The grandmother says, "Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rose buds, then I can display my hanging baskets." Happy Gardening.

Today post is just 10 funny, random thoughts or quickies. I guess it is appropriate in our ADHD / Frenetic world which you call life and going back to school. I hope you enjoy these little pearls of punditry. I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with 'Guess' on it.. So I said 'Implants?' She hit me.. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America? I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place! When I was young we used to go 'skinny dipping,' now I just 'chunky dunking.' Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference. Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !! Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in pri

As you know, I like being informed and have been guilty spreading some falsehoods over the web due in fact for how easy it is to do. I now see what this has done over the years to some of my good female friends (and male) as indicated in the email I received the other day from Kimberly. Funny to see them all in one place! I hope you enjoyed the absurdities as much as I! Here they are : I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, or have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel. I can’t go to Wal*mart without wearing blinders for fear of seeing butt cracks and other things that might blind me! You know who you are that sends me these pictures! I laugh until I have to go to Wal*mart for more depends. I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don’t know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels. I can’t sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imag

Some time ago, I used to work for a company that come up with names for drugs. Yes, some of them were pretty funny, but actually, there is some science to it. ****WARNING*** this post contains some suggestive language, so if you get offended easily, please do not read (which means I know you are still going to read it!). Anyway, this is pretty funny, and I hope it gives you a chuckle! PHARMACOLOGY 101 The trade name is Tylenol® and its generic or common name is Acetaminophen. Aleve® is also called Naproxen. Amoxil® is also called Amoxicillin and Advil® is also called Ibuprofen. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra®. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin. Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra® will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by

I recently posted a quotation on my wordecho blog about committing to action as opposed to committing to a goal. The quotation is: “Committing to a goal does not always bring action, yet committing to an action will invariably bring you to your goal.” --Jeffrey Fry I actually got some feedback on this in the form of a question: “But what if it turns out to be an action that doesn't produce the results you ultimately want. If you commit to a goal, then you will alter your actions to be consistent with fulfilling that goal.” This is actually an excellent question, but one that does not understand the difference between setting a goal and actually achieving it. Let me explain. You have a goal, but you commit to an action..case in point.. Losing weight: Many, many people commit to a goal, say losing 10lbs..and when they do not start to lose weight, then feel like they are failing. Now if you commit to the action(s) of eating right, going to the gym 3 times a week to

What is a man? A real man is a woman's best friend. He will never stand her up and never let her down. He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day. He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret. He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires. He will make sure she always feels as though she's the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible. No wait... sorry... I'm thinking of wine. Never mind.......

OK everyone, get your minds OUT OF THE GUTTER, on second thought, no just keep wallowing there. I am doing something different for my Fryday post, and sending videos but I cannot since they are too BIG. Yes, today IS Fryday the 13th and I thought I should do something special. OMGolly, yes, I am getting hip, and doing video. Ooooh!  Two commercials, one from Dodge, one from Mercedes that involve sexual innuendo. Both are pretty funny but for TOTALLY different reasons. The Dodge one uses reverse stereotypes and the Mercedes one, well, is just so European. I hope, no, I know these will make you chuckle. If you want to view them, click here. Enjoy, and happy, um, motoring? I goes to show the power of humor in marketing your message and allow potentially new customers to begin the engagement process. Mercedes Winter Mine is 7" Bigger

UCLA STUDY (very interesting and short). A study worth sharing with friends both male and female: A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example: if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest with a bat up his ass while he is on fire. No further studies are expected on this subject. Sort of puts the subject in the right light?

He is a humor about  why guys are happier. Now girls, you know this is true and how much I love you, but guys just have it easy. Yes, yes, yes, it is NOT fair, but it is what it is. Of course, not all women fall into this trap, but at least most of the guys do. Hope this puts a smile on your sunshiny faces? __________________________________________ Men Are Just Happier People: Want Proof? What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5,000. Tux rent

Samson chained upon a wall With his strength gave it all Tumbled Temple with his might Forever gone was his sight Fire giver left in chains Raptors feast on its remains Gift of wisdom with the light Humans freed now delight Planets, moons, orbs in space Fixed, aligned held in place Nature’s pull on them so tight Against it so the orbits fight Bounded I am to this embrace Tied my heart with its full grace Hope eternal will alight Honor holds me to its bite     ---Jeffrey Fry

This post deals with things that on the surface look totally acceptable, but when phrased a certain way, well are like kind of stupid. The remind me something George Carlin would have said or written, and some might even be his. Anyway, thanks Tom Feige for the forward. I hope these bring some chuckles to your already great day! Enjoy, I did. Warmly, Jeffrey _________________________________________________ Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Only in America ......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. Only in America ......do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. Only in America ......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. Only in America ......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight..

For all of you who love wordplay (which includes me), I think you will enjoy this lovely list of, um words! Enjoy, smile, and love heartily for life is too short to be little. Love, Jeffrey FOR ALL YOU LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS) 1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired. 2. A will is a dead giveaway. 3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana. 4. A backward poet writes inverse. 5. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion. 6. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. 7. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered. 8. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. 9. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key. 10. A calendar's days are numbered. 11. A boiled egg is hard to beat. 12. He had a photographic memory which was never developed. 13. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large. (this is my favorite) 14. Those who get too big

Good morning world! OK, I know it is Fryday, and you have had a tiring week, and you just want to go drink Mai Thais, martinis and margaritas, but before you go off into the weekend, I thought I would humor you today with something that combines humor and, well, thinking! Of course, this will NOT be too tough, but I think you will enjoy it once you have been properly “caffeinated!” Anyway, so to make it more fun, I listed all the questions first, then again with the answers following. Some of these you might have seen before, but this is the first time I put the ALL together. Hope this NOT only stretches your mind, but your mouth into a smile as well. “Keep hanging by your thumbs and write when you find work (Mel Brooks).” Cheers! ____________________________________ He Didn't Break the Law A boy who was just learning how to drive went down a one-way street in the wrong direction, but he didn't break the law. How come? Women and Shoes One day, two mothers and two daughters w

A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. 'Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?' 'Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature.' The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, 'It looks like you have seen a lot of action.' 'Yes, ma'am, a lot of action.' The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, 'You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.' The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, 'You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?' '1955, ma'am.' 'Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need

These very expressive insults are from an era, before the English language boiled down to four-letter and crude words. The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison." He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress." "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."  - Winston Churchill "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."  - Clarence Darrow "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."  - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway). "Thank you for sending me a copy of your

This post deals with something very dear to me: engineering.  Yes, I know I demonstrate a lot of right brain (emotional, talkative, etc.), non-engineering traits, but deep down inside, I really am an engineer.  Scary ain’t it? Some of you might have seen this before, as I do have a great deal of engineering friends.  For all of you who have not seen it or who are not engineers, enjoy!  You now will understand what we are, maybe. Understanding Engineers: One Two engineering students, one pushing a bike, were walking across a university campus when the other said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway." Unde