18 Laws Of Life (Sort Of)

As we move through life on this great big blue marble, we are often reminded of some immutable laws that we see all the time, but never really think about until we are “in it.” While they may not be the 1st or 2nd Laws of Thermodynamics, they seem to have some bearing on how life unfolds. Hopefully this list will help you realize them when they happen to you.
________________________________________
1. Law of Mechanical Repair-
After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

2. Law of Access Gravity -
Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible place in the universe.

3. Law of Visibility -
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

4. Law of Random Numbers -
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal or voice mail; someone always answers.

5. Variation Law -
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now.

6. Law of the Bath -
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone or door bell will ring.

7. Law of Close Encounters -
The probability of meeting someone you know INCREASES dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

8. Law of the Ghosts in the Machine -
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, IT WILL!!!

9. Law of Biomechanics -
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the difficulty in reaching it.

10. Law of Seating-
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and stay to the bitter end of the performance.

11. The Coffee Law -
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

12. Murphy's Law of Lockers -

If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

13. Law of Physical Surfaces -
The chances of an open-faced jam sandwich landing face down on a floor are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

14. Law of Logical Argument -
Anything is possible IF you don't know what you are talking about.

15. Law of Physical Appearance -
If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

16. Law of Public Speaking -
A CLOSED MOUTH GATHERS NO FEET! The contrary applies here.

17. Law of Product Affinity -
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it OR the store will stop selling it!

18. Doctors' Law -
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there, you'll feel better. But don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick for days.

The Moldy Middle

While taking statistics during my quest to get an MBA and while earning my engineering degree, the professors always emphasized the importance of finding the statistical mean of any population by using the Central Mean Theorem (a.k.a the highest point of the Bell Curve). As an engineer, this was essential in order to maximize throughput, minimize cost and waste, and ultimately make a better, faster, cheaper widget. A funny thing happened on the way to the dark side of marketing. I discovered that the only thing in the middle of the road was quite literally dead road kill. I do not know if you remember stores like Bradlees, Ames and Service Merchandise (just to name a few), but they all folded because the environment changed and they were caught trying to service the mythological “average customer.” Part of that change came when Wal-Mart began its juggernaut with the discount department store. Wal-Mart did two things right: 1) Focused on “mobile” consumers, and 2) Fo...

5 Lessons on How to Treat People

Here is a listing of stories that hopefully help you understand how to treat people... the author is unknown.... the wisdom is priceless. 1. First Important Lesson - "Know The Cleaning Lady" During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions, until I read the last one: "What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?" Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name? I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade. "Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello." I've never forgotten th...

I'd Rather Be a Pirate

Recently, I have had to make some presentations about what it takes to be an entrepreneur or start up a company, and what type of people I would hire or be associated with. When asked, I usually come back with this question: If you had a choice to sail the seven seas either with the Royal Navy or as a Pirate/Privateer, what would you choose? Incredibly, the answer to this simple question is really at the crux if you can be an entrepreneur or not. One choice offers the prestige and power of a great power, and known and respected entity, at the price of having to conform to a certain system of rules and regulations based mostly on seniority and position not necessarily performance and merit. The other offers a high risk lifestyle, but with some freedoms and the ability to join a group of liked minded individuals. To sail to unchartered, risky lands; to fight for what you believe in, and to seize opportunities wherever you go. How you answer this questi...

The Profit Prophet

Search This Blog