1. LOVE vs. FEAR. People who are really happy, FEAR less and LOVE a lot more. They see each moment, each challenge, each person as an opportunity to discover more about themselves and the world around them. They understand the meaning of love, that it is a gift you give not something you try to hold on to, and just importantly, that you first love yourself before you can love others.
“Fear less, hope more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; hate less, love more; and all good things are yours.” --Swedish Proverb
2. ACCEPTANCE vs. RESISTANCE. Happy people understand that you cannot really change a situation by resisting it, but you can definitely change it by accepting that it is there and by understanding that there might be a reason for its existence. When something unpleasant happens to them, they do not try to fight it, knowing that this will make the situation even worse, but rather, they ask themselves questions like: What can I learn from this? How can I make this better? Am I the cause of this? and they go from there, focusing on the positive rather than on the negative. They do not ask if the glass is half full, but instead seek the source of water and ask, "Am I Thirsty?"
“Even the smallest victory is never to be taken for granted. Each victory must be applauded, because it is so easy not to battle at all, to just accept and call that acceptance inevitable." --Audre Lorde
3. FORGIVENESS vs. UNFORGIVENESS. Really happy people know that it’s not healthy to hold on to anger. They choose to FORGIVE and FORGET, understanding that FORGIVENESS is a gift they give to themselves first and foremost and in the end, success is when you no longer care about the grievance.
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” -- Buddha
4. TRUST vs. DOUBT. They trust themselves and they trust the people around them. No matter if they are talking to the cleaning lady or the C.E.O. of a multibillion company, somehow they always seem to make the person they are interacting with feel like there is something unique and special about themselves.
They understand that beliefs become self-fulfilling prophecies, and because of that, they make sure to treat everybody with love, dignity, and respect, making no distinctions between age, sex, social status, color, religion or race. These are the great men and women that Mark Twain was talking about:
“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”
5. MEANING vs. AMBITION. They do the things they do because of the meaning it brings into their lives and because they get a sense of purpose by doing so. They understand that “Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life” like Wayne Dyer puts it, and they care more about living a life full of meaning rather than, what in our modern society we would call, living a financially successful life.
The irony here is that most of the time they get both, success and meaning, just because they choose to focus on doing the things they love the most and they always pursue their heart's desires. They are not motivated by money; but they want to make a difference in the lives of those around them and in the world.
"The purpose of life is to discover your gift. The meaning of life is to give it away." -- David Viscott
6. PRAISING vs. CRITICIZING. Happy people would probably agree with Carl’s Jung theory on resistance: “What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size”. They don’t criticize the absence of the behavior they want to reinforce, but rather, every time the correct behavior is present, even if it’s not that often, they know that by praising the person and the behavior, they will actually reinforce the positive behavior. You ‘reward’ correct behavior and get more of it by praising it.
When a parent wants to make sure that his 7 years old boy will learn to always put the toys back in the box after he is done playing with them, he will make sure not to focus on the many times the child will not do it, criticizing him and his behavior, but rather, every time the little boy does put the toys back, the parent will praise him and his behavior and that is exactly how he will reinforce the positive behavior, and in the end getting the wanted results.
“Be hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise, and people will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime.” --Dale Carnegie
7. CHALLENGES vs. PROBLEMS. Happy people will see PROBLEMS as CHALLENGES, and as opportunities to explore new ways of doing things, expressing their gratitude for them, understanding that underneath them all lies many opportunities that will allow them to expand and to grow.
"When we accept tough jobs as a challenge and wade into them with joy and enthusiasm, miracles can happen." -- Arland Gilbert
8. SELFLESSNESS vs. SELFISHNESS. They do what they do not for themselves, but for the good of others, making sure that they bring meaning, empowerment and happiness in the lives of many. They look for ways to give and to share the best of themselves with the world and to make other people happy. They live a vicarious life of seeing other's people's success as their own.
”Before giving, the mind of the giver is happy; while giving, the mind of the giver is made peaceful; and having given, the mind of the giver is uplifted.” - Buddha
9. ABUNDANCE vs. LACK/POVERTY. They have an abundant mindset, living a balanced life, achieving abundance in all areas of life. They never focus on the chance or possibility of NOT having wealth or of losing everything. They do not let money master them, instead become money's master.
“If you want love and abundance in your life, give it away.” --Mark Twain
10. DREAMING BIG vs. BEING REALISTIC. Truly happy people do not really care about being realistic. They love and dare to dream big, they always listen to their heart and intuition and the greatness of their accomplishments scares many of us. It is like being a pirate…go for the booty and discover new, uncharted lands. Scared or timid souls cannot go there.
“Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men.” -Goethe
11. KINDNESS vs. CRUELTY. They are kind to themselves and others and they understand the power of self love, self forgiveness and self acceptance. They take responsibility for their actions, and when in error, ask for forgiveness and make amends; and most importantly, make correct the error in the future.
“Kindness is the oil that takes the friction out of life.” -- Dustin Hosterler
12. GRATITUDE vs. INGRATITUDE. No no matter where they look, no matter where they are or with whom, they have this capacity of seeing beauty where most of us would only see ugliness; opportunities where most of us would only see struggles; abundance where most of us would only see lack; and they express their gratitude for in all. No matter how much wealth, power, friends, influence they may possess, they understand that it is fleeting at best, and never try to wield their advantage for personal gain.
"Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old." --Franz Kafka
13. PRESENCE/ ENGAGEMENT vs. DISENGAGEMENT. They know how to live in the present moment, appreciating what they have and where they are in life, while still having big dreams about the future. They act in the here and now, but dream about how their actions can create a better tomorrow. They honor most by actually paying attention to what is being said.
“When you are present, you can allow the mind to be as it is without getting entangled in it. The mind in itself is a wonderful tool. Dysfunction sets in when you seek yourself in it and mistake it for who you are.” -Eckhart Tolle
14. POSITIVITY vs. NEGATIVITY. No matter what happens to them, they always seem to keep a positive perspective on everything and by doing so, they tend to irritate a lot of negative and “realistic” people. The also seem to always have an abundance of energy. When everyone else quits, they somehow find the effort to complete the task. This positivity leads to an attitude of never quitting, or persistence and determination.
"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but its effect will make it worth the effort." --Jeffrey Fry
15. TAKING RESPONSIBILITY vs. BLAMING. They take full ownership over their lives and they rarely use excuses. Happy people understand that the moment you choose to blame some outside force for whatever it is that happens to you, you are in fact giving all your power away. Happy people choose to keep the power for themselves and taking responsibility for everything that happens to them. And in having this power, they are able to give power to others.
"If you take responsibility for yourself you will develop a hunger to accomplish your dreams." --Les Brown
Comments
You can teach someone new skills, but it's very hard to teach them to have a good attitude. :-)
Keep on empowering/encouraging people!