Dilbert Lives (humor)

Dear Friends; yes it is true. I have my PC back and incredibly, I can reconstitute (slowly) my emails! Thanks Fred Walser at Computer Geeks! OK, with the frustration I was feeling it is appropriate that my Fryday humor post should involve a homage to the recent testimonies of our brightest financial executives from our great corporations, As such, I thought it would be appropriate to forward a list of the 10 best submissions that Scott Adams (the creator of Dilbert) received over the past year of just really, really stupid things for this Fryday’s posting. It is true, large companies are made up of some really smart people, but when enough people start making stupid statements and implementing really dumb ideas not really thinking about them, well, now you understand why big corporations start to get into real trouble! Enjoy, and thanks to all who sent me emails of condolences, encouragement, advice, and “I told you so (to get a MAC)!”
__________________________________________________________

'As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks.'
(Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA)

'What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter.'
(Lykes Lines Shipping)

'E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business.'
(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

'This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it.'
(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

'Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule .'
(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

'No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them.'
(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

Quote from the Boss: 'Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say.'
(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, 'That would be better for me.'
(Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

'We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees.'
(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

Comments

The Moldy Middle

While taking statistics during my quest to get an MBA and while earning my engineering degree, the professors always emphasized the importance of finding the statistical mean of any population by using the Central Mean Theorem (a.k.a the highest point of the Bell Curve). As an engineer, this was essential in order to maximize throughput, minimize cost and waste, and ultimately make a better, faster, cheaper widget. A funny thing happened on the way to the dark side of marketing. I discovered that the only thing in the middle of the road was quite literally dead road kill. I do not know if you remember stores like Bradlees, Ames and Service Merchandise (just to name a few), but they all folded because the environment changed and they were caught trying to service the mythological “average customer.” Part of that change came when Wal-Mart began its juggernaut with the discount department store. Wal-Mart did two things right: 1) Focused on “mobile” consumers, and 2) Fo...

Fortune Cookie of Persistence

There are many things or factors that can determine a person’s success or failure, but one thing that cuts across EVERY successful person I have met or read about or studied is perseverance, persistence, stick-to-itiveness, and determination. As I say, "Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. The desire and ability to press on has and always will solve the problems of the human race and divide those who achieve from those who might have been." Incredibly, this ONE characteristic is really what makes a true entrepreneur as testimony to these little factoids: Coca-Cola only sold twenty five (25) bottles in its first year of business! They grossed $50.0 and spent $73.96 on merchandising. But they kept on going and never gave up, and nowadays the sell more than one billion bottles per day! Apple Computer co-founder offered the computer design to Hewlett-Packard five times and was rejected by both HP and Atari (the giant at the time) for acquisition. A...

Chance and the Cosmos

What if we are alone? With the recent breathtaking Venus in Transit pictures happening yesterday, I was amazed at the size and scope of this cosmic happening. What struck me was how everyone was talking about how rare an event this was, and it got me thinking about space, and probabilities, and are we alone? I remember as a kid hearing Carl Sagan talk about the billion upon billion of stars in the universe and the probability that somewhere out there, there has to be life around one of those other stars. According to the European Space Agency’s scientists, there are 1 times 10 to the 12 (a 1 with 12 zeros trailing) stars in our galaxy, and perhaps 1 times 10 to the 11 or 12 galaxies in the universe. That means there are 1 times 10 to the 23 or 24 (1 with 24 zeros trailing) stars in our universe. That is a vast amount of places that could have a planet like ours. But now we have to think small, like in chance and probabilities, and this got me postulating. Ea...

The Profit Prophet

Search This Blog