The Profit Prophet

Today's post has to do with being let go, something all of us may have had to face at some time. The interesting thing is while this may not be funny, sentence structure still is. Enjoy… __________________________   Times were tough, and unfortunately the boss had to fire somebody and he narrowed it down to one of two people - Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers.  Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning. Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went straight to the cooler to take an aspirin. The boss approached her and said: 'Debra, I've never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off.' 'Could you jack off?' she says. 'I feel like shit.'

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We...

As a public service announcement for many of my male readers, I thought I would post about dating different types of women. For my lady readers, please realize that I personally do not feel this way, but still see how some stereotypes play out even today. I hope this guide helps you navigate those murky waters of romance and love…and makes you laugh a little! ANGLO/SAXON WOMEN: First date: You get to kiss her goodnight. Second date: You get to grope all over and make out a bit. Third date: You get to have sex but only when she wants to and only in the missionary position. IRISH WOMEN: First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex. 20th Anniversary : You both get blind drunk and have sex. ITALIAN WOMEN: First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant. Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs. Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists o...